NO BS TELEHEALTH
Telehealth should be simple.
Know the price.
See a clinician.
Get care.
Move on with your life.
That's it.
What Patients Want
- ✓Transparent pricing
- ✓Qualified clinicians
- ✓Honest expectations
- ✓Clear communication
- ✓Fast access to care
- ✓Easy cancellation
- ✓Simple intake forms
- ✓Accurate information
What Patients Somehow Get
- ✗Countdown timers
- ✗Celebrity endorsements
- ✗AI-powered everything
- ✗Email sequences
- ✗SMS sequences
- ✗Hidden pricing
- ✗Subscription surprises
- ✗Growth hacks
- ✗Endless onboarding
- ✗Marketing funnels
- ✗Buzzword overload
The Bullshit Checklist™
- ☐Revolutionary
- ☐Personalized
- ☐Premium
- ☐Exclusive
- ☐Transformational
- ☐Industry-leading
- ☐Proprietary
- ☐AI-powered
- ☐Concierge
- ☐Elite
- ☐Next-generation
- ☐Disruptive
- ☐Patient-centric
Bullshit Score:
9.4 / 10
Telehealth Startup Generator
Pricing Transparency Challenge
Can you find the price?
The Press Logo Bar
You have seen this on every telehealth website.
As Seen In
These are not editorial endorsements.
Many news and health outlets run affiliate partner programs. A telehealth company pays a network — through platforms like Everflow, Impact, or Katalys — to place sponsored content, paid reviews, or affiliate articles. The article goes live. The logo gets added to the website.
No journalist investigated your outcomes. No publication recommended your product. Someone paid for placement. The logo is the receipt.
What “As Seen In” actually means:
- As Seen In [Publication]Paid for an affiliate article
- Featured In [Health Site]Sponsored content or paid placement
- As Featured In [News Outlet]Affiliate network distributed content
- Trusted By [Magazine]Purchased a sponsored post
None of this is illegal. All of it is misleading.
Things Patients Have Never Said
- ❌“I wish healthcare was more complicated.”
- ❌“I wish there were more popups.”
- ❌“I hope there is another countdown timer.”
- ❌“I wish pricing was harder to find.”
- ❌“I hope cancellation is difficult.”
- ❌“I wish the intake form was longer.”
- ❌“I hope there are more marketing emails.”
- ❌“I want another password.”
- ❌“I hope there is a surprise subscription.”
- ❌“I wish there were more buzzwords.”
Patients have never said these things.
Ever.
The Telehealth Funnel
Some of this is medically required. Most of it is not.
Industry Version
- Landing Page↓
- Quiz↓
- Email Capture↓
- SMS Capture↓
- Account Creation↓
- Verify Email↓
- Verify Phone↓
- Questionnaire↓
- More Questionnaire↓
- Upsell↓
- Another Upsell↓
- Checkout↓
- Clinical Review↓
- Care
Estimated Completion Time:
Longer Than It Needed To Be
Sensible Version
- Name↓
- Date Of Birth↓
- Reason For Visit↓
- Medical History↓
- Allergies & Medications↓
- Submit↓
- Clinical Review↓
- Care
Estimated Completion Time:
2 Minutes
The distinction is simple.
Medically necessary: name, date of birth, symptoms, medical history, current medications, allergies, relevant photos. A clinician needs this to safely recommend treatment.
Not medically necessary: your email before you know the price, your phone number for SMS sequences, a quiz to segment you into a funnel, upsells before clinical review, verification steps that exist to increase touch points, not security.
One of these protects patients. The other protects conversion rates.
Patients don't care how clever your funnel is.
Patients care how quickly they can access care.
Telehealth Website Bingo™
Honest Telehealth Landing Page
We prescribe medication.
It costs money.
A clinician reviews your information.
If appropriate, treatment may be recommended.
If approved, medication is shipped.
Questions?
Email us.
The End.
The Intake Form Olympics
Current Record:
- Question 1 of 97
- Question 2 of 97
- Question 3 of 97
- Question 4 of 97
- Question 5 of 97
- ...
- Question 97 of 97
Congratulations.
You are now eligible to enter your credit card information.
Buzzword Translator™
- Patient-Centric
- Patients are involved somehow.
- Premium
- Costs more.
- Exclusive
- Anyone can join.
- Transformational
- Marketing wrote this.
- AI-Powered
- Contains AI somewhere.
- Concierge
- You can email us.
- Revolutionary
- Probably not.
- Proprietary
- We made it ourselves.
Honest FAQ
- Do you take insurance?
- Maybe.
- How much does it cost?
- Excellent question.
- Will it work?
- Possibly.
- Can you guarantee results?
- No.
- Can I cancel?
- You should be able to.
- Why is telehealth becoming so complicated?
- We're trying to figure that out too.
Manifesto
- Telehealth should not feel like buying a used car.
- Telehealth should not require urgency tactics.
- Telehealth should not hide pricing.
- Telehealth should not require twelve-step funnels.
- Telehealth should not require endless onboarding.
- Telehealth should not treat patients like leads.
Patients are people.
Not conversion events.
Not funnels.
Not metrics.
People.